Well it was a beatiful service, both the viewing and the mass/burial for my Grandma Ellen. All of it was was emotionally difficult. Not to mention I had little sleep after barely making it to the east coast in time for the services on Thursday afternoon. Thank goodness for Jason and my brother John for helping me get there.

On the evening of the viewing there were pictures everywhere of Grandma, showcasing the extraordinary long life she had. She loved the water, she loved her gardens and birds. She loved her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. My sister and I worked on putting together a memory board (Alexa) and myself putting together a power point that I displayed at the funeral home with pictures of the grandchildren.

As we arrived early to pay our respects on Thursday, Jason held my hand as I tried to collect myself and approach the coffin. It was so difficult. Once I saw her I smiled despite my tears. She looked so peaceful. Her nails, her hair, her makeup, her outfit…looked amazing. She would always worry about these things before going anywhere. Her make up and her lipstick especially. It was nice to see old neighbors, cousins, distant relatives, and friends at the service who had not seen me in ages. I was happy to see them and they wanted to know what I had been doing where I was going. I tried to stay away from the coffin. My mom I was so proud of her, she received everyone as they came up to the coffin, calmly, with a smile on her face. She looked so graceful, so beautiful. I couldn’t imagine how she did it.

My father did an amazing eulogy that evening and I watched in awe as I knew that I would be next to share. He talked about things in the family that I never knew. Family memories, happy memories. Things that captured grandma’s spirit.

As I got up to say my speech, I was so nervous. I stood up at the podium in front of everyone and took a deep breath. And I spoke the following words. Ending with a verse from one of my favorite songs that so reminds me of my grandmother.

” Ellen was the kindest most forgiving woman I ever met. A wonderful mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, cousin, aunt, niece, friend, and mentor. She has so many gifts and talents that she has left with each and every one of us. She was so very sincere. Uncritical. Never judged a soul. These are some of the gifts that she has left with me. My grandmother Ellen has first left me with her strength in spirit. My name is Sarah Ellen Ashworth and I proudly carry her name. She constantly reminded me despite my lack of self confidence at times my beauty. She helped me build character with her constant reminders of reassurance and love.
I remember when I was young and the excitement of visits with grandma. She had so many talents that she shared with me such as opening my first blue crab, teaching me basic sewing, showing me her birds and how to identify them, and how to garden. We would read books together and the newspaper (she would leave the cartoons for me).
As I grew into a young adult we moved to Southern Maryland. Grandmother Ellen was my sponsor when I received the sacrament of Confirmation, she witnessed me graduated both high school and college graduation.
She became my rock of support as my world spiraled downward in 2007. I underwent a series of hospitalizations that summer and spent the next two years living at home with her and my parents. At times my family had difficulty understanding. Not grandma. She never once judged me. She would say what’s the matter honey. During this time of my treatment and recovery from my illness my Grandma was there. I tried despite how difficult it was for me to spend time with my only companion, Grandma. We would have sleepovers, read books together in the sunroom, watch our favorite primetime lineup on TV. She would call my name and I would come running. ‘Sarah, I want you to do me a favor, what grandma, I need a beer out of the fridge.”
During this period one of the greatest gifts that Grandmother Ellen gave me was that she helped me renew my faith. She encouraged me to come to church with her. If I was too depressed to get out of bed she would understand but give me that “Look” I knew what that look meant. I would go the next week. After a few months of sitting with grandma I would look up at the choir and wish I could do it. She encouraged me as did my mother to go sing that she would be okay sitting in the pew. I started singing with the choir. I sang so loud, so loud to ensure that my grandma could hear me. She always said she loved seeing me up there. During the mass she would look up and wave to me and blow me a kiss.
I have been so very lucky to have had my grandmother Ellen in my life for these years. She is an extremely amazing and beautiful soul. When I am alone or when I am running, singing, I know she is watching over me. She is part of me. Part of my soul. I believe that there is part of Ellen Rossignol in all of us. Now she is at peace, in heaven with Grandma and will always be watching over me.”

“Smile though your heart is breaking, Smile even though its aching. Although a tear maybe ever so near,
If you smile through your tears and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come sun shining through if you just SMILE…