I have been struggling with how to begin this essay for graduate applications this weekend. In one application it is called a statement of purpose. I have been mostly ruminating rather than producing anything. When speaking in individual therapy this week my therapist and I were discussing the application process, but more than that, more than goals that I have abstractly set, what is my why. So I hope to explore what drives me. What motivates me. Where do I draw my passion.
Some stems from personal experience. The early model of my blog and the small icon, was modeled after my spirit animal, The Great Blue Heron. Growing up on the Potomac River, I spent many sunsets, sunrises admiring the calm tides of the river, the consistency, the beauty. When I started experiencing symptoms of Bi-polar disorder in my teenage years into young adulthood, I would watch the river still. I looked forward to the weather changes, the storms, standing on the dock and feeling the wind lifting every strand of hair on my body. The most awaited and rewarding thing about the storms I waited until the heron came, and they came after the storms. I associated the heron with tranquility, bringing back the peace of the river. I hoped in my young life to someday have that power, that knowledge and that ability of the Great Blue Heron. To someday not necessarily be in control of my symptoms, but to have a larger self-awareness, so that I could help others, through those storms literally and figuratively.
My why… I share when I do outreach presentations, that my greatest success to date has been my raising my own family. When I met my now husband, Jason, he asked me to move cross country with him. I had no idea what was in store, how difficult it would be to pick up our lives time and time again, to be a single parent for long durations, to constantly be living apart. I somehow managed, and raised our two girls, Ella and Hazel. I am most proud of my family and spending every moment possible together. My why is in part them, they are my motivation, my happiness and my inspiration. I want to live a long productive life, watching my kids, possibly grandkids grow. I want to continue to be present for them, to be in the moment and enjoy us all the time.
My why—professionally. I have always worked towards this goal, maybe not intentionally. Since I was a little girl wanted to be a lawyer. I cannot say that I have always wanted to be a social worker. I have been closely tied to social programs and organizations for some time. Where the mission is service. Acceptance, Sincerity, Uncritical, these are some of the qualities I believe I possess. My time working and volunteering for NAMI over the years has opened my eyes to the world where people living with mental illnesses are not alone, that recovery and hope is a possibility. Professionally I have helped many people through groups, presentations, classes. I have met people along the way through military life, spouses and families. I served as an ombudsman for Jasons sea tour in Norfolk, VA. I lived to serve and help others. Now for the past two years I have helped children in the foster care system through my role as a GAL. I have unintentionally followed the path of social work, to guide and help others in various ways.
What is my why, to serve others and to continue to help myself too. I hope to keep that self-awareness through these more busy times, remember what drove me here to this place. To pass on and instill that hope in others that they too can weather this storm. To recognize my limits while at the same time get others to the precious resources that I lacked. To support my family while supporting myself. This is my why, this is what motivates me.
The Seascapechronicles 