Since 1.10.22 the Grants have been quarantining from a Covid positive test starting with Ella. Today, a week and a half later, she is now negative but the others in the house are still positive. Super exciting. I must add that we are very lucky to have only had very mild symptoms. In the midst of indoor fun with the family, I have had extreme and unexpected changes with my work schedule, excess stress and I try my hardest to embrace any downtime I can gather.
How would you like having to choose between your bladder and your blood sugar every Monday through Friday? Stress for me can trigger mood swings, unemployment seems to be more triggering in the past, however. Over the years since college I have tried various jobs, waitressing, bartending, pharmacy tech, administrative work, billing and coding, paralegal, high school teacher, activities director, program director. Writing or researching was always my cathartic escape. Not that anyone would pay me for such, Ha! High stress jobs in the past triggered mood swings and a chain reaction of mood changes and behaviors. Once I felt wrongly fired from a waitressing gig, so I thought it wise to stage some sort of protest insisting I get my job back. Another instance I cussed out a GM at a Damon’s restaurant. Neither of the two experiences lasted further than a week of waitressing.
Now mind you I am not balancing just a job. Two little ones in elementary school, extra-curricular activities, volunteer hours, household chores, grocery store, cooking, etc. These past ten days have been extremely trying even with all the activities canceled. I almost prefer the business of being here or there.
I am fortunate that my work is extremely flexible, understanding and plus I can work remotely. Due to the increase in distractions being home however, I am incredibly overstimulated, my brain letting go of healthy habits that I know keeps anxiety and depression at bay. Luckily, I am still smoke-free I am near the 4 month quit mark. I say that, and I still crave the damn things, last night I had a dream that I lit up a cigarette while chatting with a girlfriend, and it was glorious. So instead of channeling my anxiety, with a brief walk or exercise, I am trying intermittently to manage by a quick 5 minute grounding or meditation. 5 minutes looking at a magazine article. An actual magazine, guys. Not on your phone. Or I will collapse out of pure resistance and take a much needed nap.
Back to the mood swings. These small shifts although I do take medication to manage such, begin to affect other obligations. Right now that includes school applications for MSW programs. My mind wonders, what are you doing that for SG? My GAL obligations, the kids who rely on me to advocate for them and give their wishes a voice in court. If I get off-course, its like a domino effect of pressure that collapses around me.
Now Jason is experiencing some symptoms, here we are maybe two weeks by next week, where we all might test negative. I have to be extremely creative to manage playing Barbie’s with hungry-hungry Hazel (she is non-stop eating and growing), getting my work done, manage these other requirements and obligations. Did I mention I signed up to head coach Ellas lacrosse team this Spring? Maybe I am a glutton for punishment, maybe I try to balance to much, maybe I am more than my illness of Bipolar 1 disorder. I know one thing, I have learned some lessons over the years, with jobs, how to be patient, propriety in the workplace…I still have much to learn on my own limitations. I am not bionic, my moods can become easily unstable. I must remember that managing my mood swings (i.e. stress) is just as important as anyone caring for their health. If I were to ignore it, I am letting go of all that weighs me down.
The Seascapechronicles 