I am trying to hold steady despite the world around me. The madness and violence in the world shadowing, while I hope against hope that my mother can heal. She has complicated GI issues, a removed galbladder, diverticulitis diagnosis, and a hernia. Yesterday she had a flare up of some sort, which lead to a perforated bowel. She is septic, surgery the likely course of action after the antibiotics are given a chance to work. As the world is falling apart, my world is threatened with this news. I do believe that she can bounce back, but there is much damage. She might not fare well with a major intestinal operation. It is difficult being separated so far from each other, her being in the state of Maryland, and me in Florida. Roughly 1,300 miles apart. My first inclination is to go, be with my family. It is hard to focus with this news, but I must. Until I get the call otherwise. I think now about what brings me joy. I think about rainbows. Rainbows and Chloe Precious (our Labrador Retriever). Rainbows are visions, or illusions. We still believe in their power and ability to bring out the sun, to heal us on a dark day. The reason I think of these things. Once when hospitalized another patient (not understanding their intent or motive at the time) was very kind to me and directed me to think of Puppies and Kittens despite some of the darkest moments that clouded my memory. The last thing I discussed with my mom, was concerning a personal decision I have thought about for some time. She was not supportive, or sick herself and perhaps not in the right mind. In my opinion I don’t have too much to lose at this point. Except getting healthier faster. I do not want to be in this circumstance, with myself, my family and the world. But I will be steadfast and try to overcome, with rainbows, healing words, puppies and kittens by my side.

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