Reflecting on one of my favorite songs by Bruno Mars:

Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
‘Cause girl, you’re amazing
Just the way you are

We are conditioned to automatically self-reject compliments, positivity or positive reinforcement. The belief to be perfect and never measuring up. This image of perfection is the why we don’t accept ourselves the way we are. So much so that there is an entire media-driven campaign to love ourselves, “our looks” or our natural beauty or bodies. Why can’t we accept ourselves? We as human beings naturally do not accept or agree with what others might see.

I have recently fallen upon a book recommended to me by my mental health therapist, who is a LCSW, with a specialty in trauma and EMDR. I am struggling with a constant theme of the book, on how to reach this agreement with myself. The power and impeccability of my words. The power of my words, how I choose to use them, is in ways a double edged sword. Growing up as a child and young adult, I lived in fear of words, of contrary opinions or ideas. As a young adult my fears and beliefs were solidified by my mental health condition, for many years. I lived in a constant agreement that I would never measure up, perfection far from my grasp as I struggled to maintain my life. Beliefs were reinforced through traumatic experiences.

As I trudge along through the book, “The Four Agreements” I am working on the first part, to be impeccable you are taking ownership and for your actions, and not placing blame on oneself. Being impeccable with my words is utilizing the right energy towards self-love. I will give you an example of such. I grew up loving to sing. I was told by some, namely my sister and some others not to. For years I would sing solely to myself. I believed the opinion that I was sub-par. I formed an opinion that I shouldn’t sing in earshot of others. Guess what I learned to love as an adult? Singing Karaoke. Not giving a rats ass what others think about my talent. Why…because I love this part of me. I am anchored in reality that I am no Kelly Clarkson. But I do not shyly hide my voice anymore. I readily accept this part, and love my abilities at face-value.

Currently life is taking various twists and turns, that I hope to have good reports and updates soon. First I can say that life generally here in Florida is great, I am receiving a promotion with NAMI, and I am thankful that the girls are resuming school in about a week. The summer heat hopefully is winding down, or at least has already peaked. I am not fearful of what might lay ahead, or behind me. I am focused on the task at hand, striving to give it my best. Sports and activities for the girls are in full swing. I am moving along in some health concerns and finding new ways to adapt. I can say with the utmost certainty that I am content with myself in this moment, just as I am.

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