Some might be shocked to find out that I am very relaxed today. As well as very sleepy. I got the kids out the door on time, then attended IOP (Intensive Out Patient) in the early morning. It was a good group session, and even better, my IOP psychiatrist willingly upped my Vraylar prescription from 1.5 to 3mg daily. I felt relieved and almost immediately after taking the doubled dose of the antipsychotic…I felt relief. The tension in my neck and back stopped burning, the general anxiousness completely left, and I slowly became sleepy. To get some light exercise, I went grocery shopping. Without kids grocery shopping is glorious and quite therapeutic browsing the aisles.

I returned home with some groceries, and two bouquets of fresh flowers to help with visual mindfulness and focus. Almost immediately I crashed like a sack of potatoes on my reading chair.I napped hard. I awoke after at least two hours. Finally the guys and coaches managed getting Ella to her walk through football practice. While my friend and I disappeared to get pedicures. We did end up waiting quite a while. Once our nail techs appeared, we received great pedicures. Aftwards we picked up pizza for the kids and the adults.

I cannot understand it all, but I have been proactively advocating for better care. Even though I am hypomanic, I couldn’t continue on that path as Mania and psychosis were not far behind . I have been feeling this way for 3 weeks at least. And it was getting slowly worse. Last nights sleep I had was shit and that didnt help either. But tonight, I have a feeling I will sleep like a baby. I will report tomorrow hopefully with a good nights rest. Since doubling the vraylar, my mind has slowed. I am less anxious and tense. If I had not been involved in this amazing IOP group, I would not have had as easily the accessibility to psychiatric care, not to mention the calming effect of listening to others, and putting in the much needed work. I am thankful that I took the initiative to do intensive therapy in conjunction with many phone calls to providers, pharmacists, therapists, peer support etc. I am seeing small improvements and I couldn’t be more proud of myself and my ability to be self aware and hyper vigilant in terms of my mental health care.

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