This is the title of one of my favorite Russian novels from the Silver Age, “turn of the 20th century”. The book is all about self-discovery. In line with that I have recently in my own struggles worked on processing my emotions through—willingness. I have sat with uncomfortable emotions and allowed myself to feel them. Willingness is about expanding the hearty and make space for your emotions despite how painful. Willingness is similar to mindfulness, in the practice of changing negative or emotional thoughts.

Giving myself space. This is important for the first step. To describe what I am feeling, giving access to those feelings. Holding on to them, honoring those feelings, staying present—-will lead to happiness and hope. Instead of hiding or pushing away, “drop the rope” and move it into a positive mindset of channeling it.

Step two, when those feelings come flooding in. Challenge them, and take them on. Thinking to myself, I would say, Bring it…..

Step 3 Treat myself well and be kind, take as much time as I need. Willinginess notices what your feeling and identifying or describing those feelings. When I have extreme negative thoughts in the past, it was a desperate need to escape those emotions.

In my own life, I have suppressed any emotions, I was raised and taught to do so. I was expected to be strong, the athlete, the scholar, the all around older sister with more responsibilities. My trauma therapist has to me to pick a part that I can feel these feelings. I picked my heart. Putting my hand over my heart I allow those emotions to come, describe, and honor them, then release. I am trying to be ok by myself, and allowing myself space to feel those emotions. I will extend love to myself. Knowing that although these feelings come, to embrace them and myself I say that “its okay, I am here for you”. I want to work on this love and acceptance of myself. Tune into negative thoughts. Tell myself that I am good enough and that I am proud of the person I have become.

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