Hyper vigilant and ever cautious. I notice my thoughts moving faster, my sleep slightly disrupted. I catch myself. I hope against hope. This is a fleeting disturbance in my mood. I am not cycling, yet. But identify that I need an adjustment, and to be aware of the slight symptoms. I have a busy week and weekend ahead. Work, family, lacrosse games, church events. There will always be the general management of priorities and how to get myself through. That is the constant. The variable is of course, how I respond and react to such. Accepting that some things are outside my control but also recognizing my short falls and the need for support. I am my own best advocate. I am my own worst enemy at times. I am always striving to be that sexy beast. Yet, here, rearing its head. The slightest inconvenience of anxiety, sleep disruption and early elevated mood symptoms. I reached out for support immediately. Talked to my therapist today by phone. Called my psychiatrist about the week-long sleep pattern that is sub-par at best. Phoned my bestie, talked to hubby, and my dad. It is all to easy due to the effectiveness of the medication I am on to feel the onset of symptoms at times. Grateful for the stability I am afforded with taking the medication it is a blessing in disguise. I have been instructed to adjust one med and add back a sleeping med…temporarily. I see my therapist for an appointment on Friday morning. I was given an assignment to work on before our meeting. This is part of the game plan. To keep myself well. Ultimately, the price I pay for embracing the increasing symptoms could be detrimental to my health and my family. With this approach I believe I can get through not just the week and the Easter season. I hope those I love can understand that this is an effort to keep people abreast of my current mood. Do not hit the panic button. The best way to help, is simply to be encouraging and listen. I trust that this is a predictable reaction to an unpredictable environment. My instincts, say…Sarah, go to sleep, or Sarah, get over it. I wish it were that simple. I hope that I can stay on top of my brain disorder with patience, tranquility and determination. For anyone helping a loved one through any mental health condition, listen to this…Take it one step at a time. Get your own support and healthy outlets. It can be done, to mostly stay well and live in recovery. It is hard. It is ugly. Not impossible. I am at peace this evening and drawing near much anticipated drowsiness. My words may or may not help everyone. Knowing the ultimate results, I value my wellness and see that there is never any better time than right now to make small changes.

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