This week has been incredibly difficult. I am working more diligently on meditation and grounding techniques to get through the day. Working harder to apply various techniques from trauma-focused therapy and strategies gained over the years. First I am getting better on identifying the thought, catching it and releasing said thought before it ruminates. I have become more grounded, even efficient in practicing instilling boundaries and limits. Using every self-care skill I have that works. Singing loudly in the shower, car and everywhere. Massaging pressure points of psychosomatic tension on my upper body. I even went so far to apply a cold weighted mask onto the back of my neck /lower skull to relieve the flaring anxiety. I count my deep breaths in, hold and release. I concentrate on one fleeting thought—carefully crating it through a positive outlet of positive affirmations. I practice my daily self care…treating my body well with eating right and exercise. Habitually I schedule time in my day now to journal or blog. Most importantly, I am trying my best. I hope for a good outcome. I have been told by some people, “ you should go to sleep”, “you need med adjustments”, you should be doing this, this or that. I accept that I might need more help of course. These statements are ridden with stigma and lack of understanding. I have learned that I need support, but to draw the line and find ways to be okay with myself. To see these issues not as a disability, but in some ways a gift of progress. I have every intention now to vocalize what my needs are, to protest lack of understanding, to support from a distance people who do not operate the same as myself. Those who are lost, I hope that they see the possibilities of what correct treatment does. I meditate and pray for my family and myself amidst of many changes. I will hold myself accountable for my emotional actions. Not accepting unfair treatment. Finally, I hope with every ounce of myself that one day, mental health challenges will be treated equally in the eyes of the health care system.

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