Someone wise once told me, “ I have never heard of a Queen that has been walked over.” It took a few seconds for this statement to sink in. My immediate reflection would be at the time, well, that is certainly not me. My negative self talk and self-perception have always been powerful and strong willed in forming my perspective and identity. As an adult, this became even more problematic as I experienced the onset of Bipolar I disorder as I finished college. Further, during college and afterwards my pervasive symptoms of BPI (mania) and various traumas I experienced brought my self worth spiraling into an abyss. I reacted, by flight responses. Running from my issues and internally coping through negative measures such as drugs and alcohol use, stealing, speeding and acquiring a ton of tickets. Dangerous coping strategies nearly destroyed and brought me to my lowest lows, including various traumatic in patient hospitalization, various legal charges and jail. When I hit these lows in 2007, I reached out for help through the destruction that I had somehow created due to lack of coping skills with my symptoms. I can say that it took me years to heal, but something never did. My self-worth. It was so affected that I became a “Yes” Woman, a people pleaser to the utmost degree. I strived to help anyone but myself. I had truly become a chameleon of sorts, shaping my self and identity so easily that I would shift my personality and habits so much to make another person or relationship successful. Fast forward to now approaching 40 years old, and I would say in the last 6 months I have grown so much in terms of my self worth and identity. Attending an Out patient program last fall, I heard this statement. That, “You are a Queen.” Focusing on drawing whatever I could on self protection, I took in many new techniques: Saying now and drawing healthy boundaries between self and my relationships with others; Needing space and not accepting or allowing anyone to discredit my worth.; not over-sharing and sharing in a safe way; these clear and simple strategies will prevent my all too familiar “crash and burn into flames” approach; resisting reactivity and self negativity; embracing my shortcomings with positive self-talk; using assertive communication and “I statements”, expressing how I feel; being more aware of my surroundings and focusing on the present; negating self talk with positivity and healthy self image, saying my favorite one..that I AM A SEXY BEAST!, and believing it; Finally, living a balanced life with my little family, husband and girls. This is my chance. My opportunity to re-write my story. I can change my identity and I CAN CHANGE my story. This is my a reflection on this change, my ability to and my promise that I will not quietly accept my negative perception any longer. I WILL re-write my narrative and become the stronger person I know I am capable to be.

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