Lately I have had trouble staying asleep. I am still getting somewhere between 5-7 hours of sleep. Not enough. My body and mind are very powerful when lack of sleep sets in. I take my sleeping med and get into bed around 9/30pm. Like clockwork I am awake by 2am, naturally. I am working so hard to tire my body enough to go back to sleep. What that looked like early this morning and what I felt and thought were extremely difficult. I awoke to Hubby still awake, and he encouraged me to go back to sleep. I promised him I would try and off he went to bed. First thing was I trying to tire out my body with laying still in my reading chair and no stimulation. As I sat. Thoughts rapidly fired though my head uncontrollably. I eventually got up my body quickly on fire and crawling. Back tense and anxiety high. I knew that I had to do something quickly to ease the rising symptoms. I took my morning meds early, (recently doubled the anti-psychotic a couple weeks ago with the drs recommendation). I waited patiently for the meds to kick in. While I waited I fervently journaled to get the thoughts out of my head. The emotions and thoughts drained onto the pages. I breathed in and out and calmed myself eventually to some degree. Enough for the thoughts to clear out some. I examined every fleeting thought more carefully. Finally, I ate some food, two deviled eggs I had made over the weekend. The combination were enough to get me exhausted my mind, and I walked back to the room and fell fast asleep. I woke up a couple hours later, with a combined 7 hours for the night. A little disjoined but I will take it. I am heading into another new week and feel my brain needs more assistance. I will call my dr to ask if she can see me earlier or prescribe something heavier for sleep, like an additional anti-psych like Seroquel temporarily. In the moment early this morning, when the symptoms were higher. I felt out of control of my body, it was ramping up and powerful. I am thankful that I was able to sleep longer. It is time to add another med to get me through this week. Also plan to workout. Took a few days off due to some concerning swelling in my leg. Attempting to keep the mania at bay is proving to be difficult. And outside my control. Don’t worry friends, I am managing. I am calling the pdoc first thing. I have moments that are worrisome, like last night. Then I have longer moments of seeming stability. The habit of self reflection and evaluation this time around have been a show-stopper in quite a literal sense. Along with the double down of meds. I feel like I am nearly there in making some more progress.

• Uncategorized