It’s not for lack of things to say or write. I could come up with more than a few reasons to have disappeared into this unstoppable world around me. I feel as though I am always struggling to catch up and keep pace with my surroundings. So as change each day occurs, I am chasing it, several steps behind. Possibly risking my own needs in the process. I am up early in my comfy reading chair in my study, candles lit, feet propped on the ottoman and comfy pillows and blankets enveloping me like some sort of cocoon.
Here’s the first and the most paralyzing reason. Time. My days at work, writing documentation notes, countless court reports and judicial reviews is exhausting and a time-killer. It zaps my desire of typing, for one, but the sheer mental taxation alone, keeps me from channeling my thoughts here or on paper. Not to mention graduate school. I submitted a 20-pager a few days ago, and still haven’t recovered. The exhaustion factor is simply intensified here. By the Sunday evening, its as though the weekend did not occur most weeks.
Second, I have a family, a husband, our sweet girls, and Chloe the dog. They take priority when it comes to spare time. Getting Hazel and Ella to sporting events and gymnastics. Making the time to get chores around the house done. Oh well, I digress. There are so many reasons I choose not to bring up otherwise, but I am human and doing my best with my surroundings.
So. Here we are, how do I slow things down? The unwavering factors in my environment will not change in the foreseeable future. My ability to cope may need some tweaking. My mental health needs should be higher on that list of adjustments. It’s all too easy to push that aside and focus on other conflicts or systems affecting your life.
My best friend suggested the use of AI or chat GPT to cutdown the time on writing content for my work and school. While in the past I have been adamantly against it, I am starting to see its advantages if used properly. Managing my well being on mornings like this, usually spent in the gym early in the morning, is well received mentally today. I hate to be cliche about the use of self-care, but in the mental health communities I’m accustomed to we preach it, of course harder to model or practice in one’s own life.
Thinking out loud, yes, I would like to slow down, practice time management and self-efficiency. Is it realistic? Sure. It will take some practice. The biggest change is perhaps changing my mindset or thoughts regarding myself, what my priorities are, yes, but also not struggling to catch up. Not striving for perfection and having tangible outcomes. Practicing what I preach and take the time I need to reset mentally. Journaling and blogging, or whatever self-care looks like that day. Right now this is working and it makes me absolutely tickled to be here. So here I am, relaxing on this Easter morning…waiting for the excitement to begin today when the girls wake up for their Easter treats. No longer chasing but living the life I want and deserve.
The Seascapechronicles 