I spend the early morning hours trying to coax myself back to sleep. The last few days I have had some disrupted sleep, spending the 3-4am hour lying awake and trying desperately to fall back asleep. I despise when my routine is thrown off and my mood starts to shift. Lately I have struggled with … Continue reading Back to reality
Tag: home
A day in the life.
My bestest friend on the planet suggested that I blog about what it is like, living and functioning with my bipolar 1 disorder. What I experience, how my behavior might fluctuate, how I respond to others, what I am thinking. How difficult it is for me to function or expected to be rather, high functioning. … Continue reading A day in the life.
Everything is going to be okay
Sometime the simplest concept is the most difficult to practice. Today my best friend, shared an album with me that I immediately dismissed. Its message is one of positivity, and just that being okay. At first I had this preconceived notion, judged the material, the album. When I settled into the beat a little more … Continue reading Everything is going to be okay
The results are in…
I received a grade for one of my classes, the Group Psychotherapy class. We recently had a midterm exam, one that took me almost the complete amount of time, 4 hours allotted total to take it. I took 231 minutes out of 240 minutes. I wrote 2,737 words during those 231 minutes. This class in … Continue reading The results are in…
Words
Words have the power to elevate or destroy. As Joseph Conrad once said, “There is a power in the spoken word…and a word comes far—deals destruction through time as the bullets flying through space.” There have been times in my life where words injured me, at times I conceived beyond repair. Now, I do not … Continue reading Words
Girls Weekend
The girls and I had a few days solo, while Jason flew back to Maryland to see family. Last weekend we crammed as much as possible into the weekend. Reminiscent of old times when it was just the three of us for long stints. The girls had a Homecoming Pep Rally, Homecoming game, we volunteered … Continue reading Girls Weekend
Spark
I have not felt inspired as of late to write. Partly due life getting in the way, the other being stuck in my own head. I awoke early this morning and felt the urge to do so. I have been on a doubled dose on one of my medications to manage my mental health condition … Continue reading Spark
To be a mom….Mother’s Day 2023
What it means to me to be a mom. It is the most rewarding, gut-wrenching, anxiety-ridden, and soul changing experience that i have come to love. My girls. Ella and Hazel. Made me in part who I am today. Their love, their sweet words, can pierce my deepest sorrow on a dark day. Their eyes, … Continue reading To be a mom….Mother’s Day 2023
Getting it done
I am very excited to report that sleep patterns are tightening up, irritability, anxiety and other manic symptoms have subsided. I might have avoided a large drop off into a deep depression that usually occurs for me after a larger manic cycle as well. So far the medication overhaul and working with my psychiatrist outpatient … Continue reading Getting it done
Off to work I go
Today I am returning to work, after two weeks of sick leave. Mixed feelings of nerves and excitement. The weekend was very relaxing and just what I needed. I am in a better place overall, the sleep still lighter average 6 hours, in addition to some day time napping. The anxiety is nearly non existent … Continue reading Off to work I go
SGs Real Talk and Self Care Saturday PII
Self- Talk is a large part of anyone’s life. Talking kindly to yourself is at the root of being brave. “We” constantly and subconsciously have thoughts running through our minds at any given time. I am learning to chuck the negative thoughts out the window. I stop myself in my tracks. The ones that cut … Continue reading SGs Real Talk and Self Care Saturday PII
Theme Park
I mentioned in a previous post, equating my current state of affairs as being on a non-stop roller coaster that I couldn’t get off. I will say that today, I liken my moods more to a theme park. I read a quote that struck me: “There will be good days, bad days, light days and … Continue reading Theme Park
Braver than you know
When I think about this or that occurrence in my life, I have not ever equated such with a brave choice or necessarily the right decision. Seeing other people around me being brave made me want to be as courageous. As days pass, I find myself going through the motions, taking the next step. I … Continue reading Braver than you know
You are a Queen
Someone wise once told me, “ I have never heard of a Queen that has been walked over.” It took a few seconds for this statement to sink in. My immediate reflection would be at the time, well, that is certainly not me. My negative self talk and self-perception have always been powerful and strong … Continue reading You are a Queen
Sarbear check-in
Often times when I reflect on myself, it is struggle to identify the cause of continuous negative sense of self worth. With any analysis, the first instinct or reaction is to naturally say what or how did this happen? What changed, what caused this event or series of chain reactions? Our investigatory nature feeds on … Continue reading Sarbear check-in
The Seascapechronicles 