Words have the power to elevate or destroy. As Joseph Conrad once said, “There is a power in the spoken word…and a word comes far—deals destruction through time as the bullets flying through space.” There have been times in my life where words injured me, at times I conceived beyond repair. Now, I do not … Continue reading Words
Tag: running
To be a mom….Mother’s Day 2023
What it means to me to be a mom. It is the most rewarding, gut-wrenching, anxiety-ridden, and soul changing experience that i have come to love. My girls. Ella and Hazel. Made me in part who I am today. Their love, their sweet words, can pierce my deepest sorrow on a dark day. Their eyes, … Continue reading To be a mom….Mother’s Day 2023
Getting it done
I am very excited to report that sleep patterns are tightening up, irritability, anxiety and other manic symptoms have subsided. I might have avoided a large drop off into a deep depression that usually occurs for me after a larger manic cycle as well. So far the medication overhaul and working with my psychiatrist outpatient … Continue reading Getting it done
Lonestar
This is the title of one of my favorite songs, by Norah Jones. Years ago, I would sing it as a lullaby to Ella as I rocked her to sleep. It is about searching for a sign in the sky, for a sign to shine down. Searching for the evasive Lonestar. I think about this … Continue reading Lonestar
Off to work I go
Today I am returning to work, after two weeks of sick leave. Mixed feelings of nerves and excitement. The weekend was very relaxing and just what I needed. I am in a better place overall, the sleep still lighter average 6 hours, in addition to some day time napping. The anxiety is nearly non existent … Continue reading Off to work I go
Braver than you know
When I think about this or that occurrence in my life, I have not ever equated such with a brave choice or necessarily the right decision. Seeing other people around me being brave made me want to be as courageous. As days pass, I find myself going through the motions, taking the next step. I … Continue reading Braver than you know
Sarbear check-in
Often times when I reflect on myself, it is struggle to identify the cause of continuous negative sense of self worth. With any analysis, the first instinct or reaction is to naturally say what or how did this happen? What changed, what caused this event or series of chain reactions? Our investigatory nature feeds on … Continue reading Sarbear check-in
Silence
Lately I have felt increasingly helpless. As much as I try. As hard as I may want things to be different. I cannot change others. Deep down I know this. I can only make an impact to some degree. Especially when it comes to choices others in my life may chose. I can only help … Continue reading Silence
Here we go again
So here we are, January 2nd, 2023. I have made a shitty effort the past 6 months to get myself back in fighting shape. I am not very excited to post this, but hope to use it as motivation to keep my ass accountable. If I were paid in pounds lost and gained over the … Continue reading Here we go again
SGs workout plan 2023
I put this into place some time ago. In the time since, I have lost 20 lbs, working out at the gym, and overall diet and sleep has vastly improved. I have continued to make strides and overall feel so much better and healthier. Looking forward to a good year of continued good health ahead. … Continue reading SGs workout plan 2023
SGs guide to surviving the holidays
It’s that time of year again. The holiday season is upon us. From now until New Year’s Day it can be daunting for anyone when it comes to family, stress, work, holiday preparation, and could cause anyone’s thoughts and mood to spiral. Living with bipolar disorder, every year I become increasing cautious and learn ways … Continue reading SGs guide to surviving the holidays
Steps forward
Since my last update, I have been busy with the new job. I am taking over a caseload shortly and have been doing many hours of training and Court observation. My office is cozy and put together, co-workers are amazing and supportive. My health has improved lately. I am sleeping almost every night, throughout the … Continue reading Steps forward
The last day at NAMI Jax Office, a bittersweet goodbye.
Today was a turning point in my current life, when I left NAMI Jacksonville as Program Director. I was nervous for the week to conclude, and hoping for the best with new horizons ahead of me. Trepidatiously I walked myself downtown to work early this morning. My last time walking into that beautiful building of … Continue reading The last day at NAMI Jax Office, a bittersweet goodbye.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Self- worth, self-love, and self-respect. Somehow those words have escaped me. For 20 years my bestie would tease me that I am a chameleon, a pleaser, a shape-shifter or yes-woman. I don’t think I ever fully understood what she meant until my recent troubles. I admit that I lacked the insight to see that I … Continue reading R-E-S-P-E-C-T
All we need is just a little patience…
I took a major step backward yesterday. I pushed myself too hard the last couple days. I trained as an lacrosse official, too many obligations in general scheduled…and then yesterday occurred. It was a mix of lack of sleep from the night before (maybe 3 hours), trying to do IOP and work simultaneously, more work … Continue reading All we need is just a little patience…
The Seascapechronicles 