Spent the later half of the Friday evening volunteering with Guardian Ad Litem with their annual fundraiser, this year’s theme mimicked a Wizard of Oz theme toting, “There’s no place like home.” I arrived to the empty factory, that had been transformed to a fancy venue space called the Glass Factory, in downtown Jacksonville. A bunch of young men as valet drivers greeted me with my hoopdie Toyota (which by the way has been missing a hubcap for the better half of the 2000s). I always arrive in style :) I sarcastically declared to the valet to treat my car nicely. Walking into this space, it had been transformed into this swanky event, with bartenders dressed as Dorothy and Scarecrow, aerialists entertainment in the main area, and even a live band and MC. I took the initiative of course during my attendance as a GAL volunteer to sample the appetizers, and cross promote NAMI Jacksonville with the fancy folk of the Duval circuit and GAL staff.

As I reflected, watching the produced fundraising video, thinking back on all my time as a volunteer. I joined GAL during Covid, in summer of 2020. Besides my general interest in law and hoping to help children, I just honestly needed something to keep me busy at the time. I took on several cases at once and entered a crash course on the dependency court system. I visited and got to know each child and their caregivers. I became invested in their futures. Before long I had built longstanding relationships. I advocated for these children before judges, in the schools, with the doctors or providers. Now, as I try my hardest to still devote the same to each of my seven children, and 4 cases, I wish I could say that I am completely invested in their wants and needs. I try to do what I can, attempt to stay as involved, document visits and gathering information for the cases. My heart falls away at times from what is important. My mind tells me to set more boundaries of what I can handle and my heart tells me otherwise. My heart for these children and my desire to help is strong willed. With time, some of my cases should be slowing and closing, with adoption looming for a couple of the kiddos. Watching this video now presently, I tear up in solidarity for the cause. Now, I don’t have that same innocence and general fervor, jaded at times by the factors and red tape keeping some of my kids in the system. I watch, I observe, I grasp for anything to keep me on this path. I stay, but unsure how I can sustain.

Either way, however long I do continue volunteering as a Volunteer Child Advocate for Guardian Ad Litem. I wanted to share one more picture at the very end of this post. This is a picture of what seems like just a bouquet of flowers. It was delivered to me a few weeks ago by a thoughtful foster parent and caregiver who I have worked with on and off with for some time. She sent me these flowers, that hit me. To know that I am appreciated and maybe making some small difference in this world. That meant the world to me. A small act of kindness completely energized me and gave me the ability to keep fighting for these kids.

This fall I start a new journey, as I begin my masters in social work program online with FSU. I am so excited and this venture has been thoughtfully crafted over the years as I dedicated my life to the mental health non profit sector. Naturally, this is a way to advance myself personally and professionally. I don’t know where GAL fits in with this at all. Maybe I will learn to cut back and step away, or maybe I will stay on for a case or two that need the consistency. Who knows. What I gather from this evening, from all my time with GAL. These children. These children deserve the world, and an equal playing field as any other in kid to make it happen. If I can facilitate one moment for these children to express one wish, help them take a step to achieve their dreams, then that would be enough for me. That would be enough to move on smiling and know. That I helped one child make it, assisted them to make a placement a new and permanent home. For them to know and understand that if they stay the course, follow the road in front of them, they can have a home, they can have a future, they can overcome adversity.

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