I used to be one of those people. That judged another person for reckless or risky behaviors. Never in a million years that I would become another statistic of mental illness. I used to love to watch Cops TV shows, Intervention, my 600 lbs life. I would look at these individuals in amazement, wondering how in the world did their lives end up in such turmoil. I can no longer tolerate shows like this, among other things. I realized through my work for mental health non-profits, that many people with drug addiction also have co-occurring illnesses. That the people on these shows, are in a bad situation, or crisis. I used to laugh and wonder how the hell they got there.

Here I am. I got there, I hit rock bottom and worked my way back up. I carefully watched my moods for years and suddenly I am feeling as if others are similarly judge-mental. To some degree. The people I work with have all been exceptional. But back to the topic of accepting stigma for what is it. I feel that my outreach of increasing the conversation of mental health has worked to some degree, and it is working through a couple of our speaking programs.

So basically, I am unable to sleep, to function, to work, barely can manage to drive. These are some of the unfortunate effects of Bipolrar On disorder. Not to mention my anxiety has been high as well. I am having zero thoughts of hurting myself or others. I just want to sleep!

The worst part about all this, is that some people have advised that I not share. This is how stigma perpetuates. Lack of understanding, lack of insight (agnosia), or lack of education. It is extremely sad when someone I know tells me not to be vocal about my own struggles. If they only knew what I went through. No one wants to hear that I have been in jail, or escorted by handcuffs to facilities and restrained, overly sedated or thrown into an isolation room. Or that I have never had very good psychiatric in patient treatment…No one wants to hear about my history of sexual assault in college. Especially not suicide attempts. If my story falls on deaf ears so be it. At least I have attempted to change the narrative. No one should suffer as I did, and I will dedicate my life to peers, especially youths to see the importance of treatment.

I once had a nurse at one of my better experiences, in terms of having children. That I should not have any more. This at the time destroyed me. But I worked through it, became pregnant with Hazel, and time flew by mostly because I was proactive in my treatment.

Our annual fundraising campaign , NAMIWalks is this October. Please come and show your support on walk day. The date that it will take place is Saturday morning, OCT 8th, I hope by the next week or two that I will start to see improved sleep, and be able to assist with the planning of the walk. I sincerely hope to get better for many reasons. Most of all for the sake of my own health and for the sake of my girls and husband. The walk is completely free to join! The website is : http://www.NAMIWalks.org/Jacksonville

I do not expect the hypomania to go away immediately. I do hope that I can keep my symptoms in check for now. I am signing off for a good, please reach out whenever page.

Now, I lie awake still. Despite having most electronics off. I hope I can sleep, and need the to do so. It is very important that I rest at least.

To quote a friend: I

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