Yesterday I met a dear friend for coffee. Originally I met to re-connect after I had been not so nice via email as the height of my symptoms a couple weeks ago. She is a woman that I respect and the last person I intended to witness my abruptness. She inspires me, for she owns a business that aspires to help people on their various journeys. She is an amazing public speaker, and a wonderful person. I aspire to be like her. When we met, I wasn’t sure how the conversation would go. Afterwards, I was so thankful for the lovely meeting. And during I showed her some much needed gratitude.

I expressed my gratitude letting her know how valuable our friendship is to me, and how much I appreciate and respect her as a person. Her story is so awe-inspiring and she touches so many people of varying populations. I was honest with her and opened up about my recent struggles. And most importantly, expressed that I was so sorry for how I treated her at that moment. She smiled, accepted and we continued to chat about everything. “Don’t hide it if you can’t heal it”. I asked some questions about how to improve my public speaking. She answered and provided me with a booklet from a recent series she offered online. I relayed to her that I have all the basics down of speaking. How do I detach the emotions behind it, still speaking from the heart, and not let it affect me so? In trauma therapy I have been working on detaching the emotions behind various events in my life. For the better part of the last year or so. My therapist is amazing and has helped me grow as a person. Am I still hiding behind my mask? I am trying to hide at times and other times to rise to the challenge of being honest and open. This dichotomy in my mind hurts almost physically. I have to remember to focus on one thing at a time, do basic things right now. At the moment I cannot solve this issue in one day. With time, with time I will work harder. Those that know me well know I am pretty determined. Whatever I set my mind to, I can accomplish with time. All I need now is to continue to focus on what is important. Me, healing myself, and being ok with just me.

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