When I think about this or that occurrence in my life, I have not ever equated such with a brave choice or necessarily the right decision. Seeing other people around me being brave made me want to be as courageous. As days pass, I find myself going through the motions, taking the next step.

I remember as a young girl I would climb the tall magnolia trees in suburban Georgia. Ride rollercoasters at nauseam at a pre-teen. Watch horror movies without a second thought. I would not have associated these things before as brave. I remember asking God for strength as I struggled as a young adult. There were days and still to this day where I can only settle myself with a candle and some moving lyrical music. I never saw any of this as courageous.

As I continue to face many changes in my life now. Jason transitioning with retirement from the military. Various obligations…whether at home as a mother of two growing girls with growing needs, a husband who is facing a turning point in his life, full time work in the child welfare system, volunteering assistant coaching for my daughter’s lacrosse team, coming back to the church and everything involved. I find peace in the serenity of passing moments, while I work on my garden, getting lost in a good book. In my writing, I find joy in journaling my thoughts and experiences. In a way, this is what bravery looks like in the present day.

Yesterday, I met with my psychiatrist to adjust my medication as I had recently had elevated mood symptoms, managing that and the sleep disruptions. Now that my moods seem to be coming to more stable ground, I felt that I was in a better place to advocate for what I needed from my doctor. As we chatted about the options, I expressed the outward environmental pressures that were wearing on me. She and I discussed adjusting one of my medications, as well as adding something additional for the sleep disruption temporarily. It is a newer drug, that is considered a control, but is not habit forming like the usual sleep aids. It can be managed in different dosages, she recommended starting with the smaller amount first. If you had asked a younger Sarah to advocate for my own health care, five, ten, twenty years ago. It would have looked a lot different. I am far from having a fine-tuned understanding of medical knowledge. But I know myself and know how I am responding. To me this is a specific example of how I was brave recently. T

Today, I have a trying day ahead. I ask God, to recognize the strength I know I have within to get through. I know that this is the way I am meant to go. I know I have a purpose in this life, and now I am starting to understand that. I am braver than I know.

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