There are two ways to look at the world. Albeit some gray areas. Your view can be one full of obstacles. Or it might be full of untapped opportunities. I think it is all too easy to accept the former mentioned. Living with bipolar disorder it is too easy to accept that life is working against me. Once while working out in 2019, I literally and figuratively injured myself jumping a hurdle. That hurdle wiped me out and injured my left foot so badly, that I haven’t been able to do high impact or run on it since. Previous moments in my life I would let life eat away at me. I let my mental health condition get the better of me on more than one occasion. I allowed the obstacles to consume every part of my being. Then I have glimmers of hope, where opportunities were present. I believed that I was lucky. No, grateful. I have often thought if this was a part of who I was, was it the illness, or my environment? I think it is a good combination of those boxes. Despite my shortcomings, I am a pretty optimistic person. I have in my more recent years, cared less of what others might be thinking, my confidence grew. I have purpose, I feel fulfilled, I have so much opportunity in front of me and in my past. I might not be able to alter my past, but I certainly have the opportunity to change my future.

The gray area. The ups and downs that exist within the parameters of opportunity. My chemical imbalance can alter my thought process, my impulse control, my behavior. One of the territories with more stress (work or school or otherwise), is the obstacle of increased mood cycling. I am aware of the changes that can occur and are occurring. What I struggle with is managing these fleeting moments or days, and doing whatever I have in my recovery kit to make survive. I know that sleep and low stress is so important to keep my moods stable, among other basic things. I am aware that I have these obstacles, yet I am unaffected. I am unaffected because I thoroughly believe in my capabilities to rise above. This past week I was cycling badly on Tuesday and Wednesday. I was anxious. Paranoid, sleep deprived. I bounced back with the assistance of my treatment team. When I feel myself slipping it helps to use grounding techniques, breathing, singing, self care…whatever will work. The familiar….I sing more these days. For comfort, to calm my anxiety. I have the opportunity to respond this way, and I choose to do so.

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