We live in a society that is obsessed with being thin. Whatever it might be called “fat phobia” or otherwise, when life gets tough, to try this or that diet or exercise regime. Fat phobia has become so ingrained in our culture that it is almost unrecognizable to the naked eye. Today’s diet culture doesn’t address body image issues or weight stigma. Losing weight is now glorified to the Nth degree and the use of medicines such as Ozempic is now a multi million dollar industry. To be skinny is viewed as having some sort of control over our bodies. I do not blame this fat phobia, but I have a choice in how I respond to it.

I have grown in my ability to be confident in my own skin, of late. Historically I have struggled with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder. I have dieted and lost weight several times in my adult life. Each time I successfully lost a lot of weight, and eventually gained it back. What is different this time around, is that I have a healthier relationship with myself and my body. I have a healthier relationship with food. I no longer binge, or hide what I eat, or force it back up. It’s been several years since I did any of these habits. Now, being at one of my heaviest weights, and attempting for the past 2 years to take it off and exercise, have opted potentially for medical intervention. I am not 100 percent committed to the decision, but I am exploring it.

One thing that gets in the way of my health, is my mental health condition. The symptom of impulsivity is something I can’t always have complete control over, it is my worst symptom of Bipolar disorder to overcome or manage. I let it get the best of me at times, other times it is well in check. Managing the illness is enough, dealing with the side effects from it (weight gain) is more than annoying. These past two years I have been exercising but not managing my nutrition to the best of my ability. I want to work on that specifically over the next few months. Making healthy decisions instead of the fastest gratification.

I’ve chosen to do something a little unusual and started a YouTube channel. My decision is solely to document this journey, maybe I can make a dent in the fat phobic culture. I don’t intend to cause a huge splash. If I can’t beat the fat phobic culture I might as well join the craze, but this time in a healthier way. Because this time I have done the work on myself, I am not ashamed to ask for medical interventions, and I am at peace with my body, at this weight and at whatever weight I end up.

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